


You're Not Sorry

by aeltaiir



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Guilt, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pain, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, only a little but it's still there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 04:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeltaiir/pseuds/aeltaiir
Summary: Bucky takes a bad hit during a battle and Tony feels like it's his fault, and, in true Tony fashion, seems to be spiraling with other theories about the situation as well.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 104





	You're Not Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mark this as having graphic depictions of violence but a character does get hurt in this, so I'm putting a warning for that here.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters nor the universe and ideas and I make no money off of this.

Tony and Bucky had been only dating for a month when the mission happened. It started off simple, like any other mission. The call went off in the tower and the team did what they did best and assembled. Tony doesn't even remember the enemy, doesn't remember their motive, their speech, their powers, the damage they did to the surrounding city. His mind went blank the minute James got hit, his mouth moving but his ears not even registering what he was muttering.

Looking back, which is a surprisingly dangerous thing to do sometimes, Tony should've seen the hit coming. He and James were often fighting close to each other, and the bolt that had hit him was bright purple, according to the mission report Tony studied back at the tower. Tony later watched the recording from both his suit and any street camera he could get his hands on and if it were up to him he would have labeled it as more of a violet color, not just a purple. A beam of violent violet light that hit James squarely in the chest and had him smashed into the nearest building, bringing both rubble and debris onto him.

A beam of light that was right there, that Tony surely should have seen, if only he'd been more attentive. But, he hadn't. And now James was being flown to the nearest hospital. Tony would have rather they simply transfer Bucky to the tower but even he can recognize that this needed more than his medical tech and Bruce's steady hands, and instead let James be taken and offered any and all of his technology to help.

And so he lets the medical staff from Shield load his boyfriend up and flies alongside the transportation every step of the way.

\---

No surprise to anyone, Bucky is fine within a few hours, with the serum most likely working overtime to keep him stable, alongside the added benefit of medical attention. He wakes up within the day, and though he promptly falls back into unconsciousness, the doctors pronounce that he has made a full recovery and will be able to go back home the next morning, much to Tony's relief.

When Bucky wakes up the next morning, he opens his eyes to a hand around his own and a familiar head laying down on the bed next to his thigh. Taking his other hand, he gently combs his fingers through Tony's hair, careful to try and not wake the visibly exhausted engineer.

"He stayed all night," comes a soft voice from the doorway, where Natasha is leaning against the wood. "Wouldn't move from that spot no matter how many times we assured him you were stable," she continues with a soft smile, matching the once forming on Bucky's face as he looks down at his boyfriend.

"I'll make sure when we get home he gets some more rest," Bucky assures.

Nodding, Natasha out of the room, one foot out of the door. "It'd probably do him some good," she agrees. "Glad you're fine, James," she finishes, leaving the two men alone with that final wish of wellbeing.

Grinning to himself, Bucky continues stroking Tony's head, losing track of time as he simply relaxes and lets his body continue to rest the way it obviously wants to.

It is about twenty minutes before Tony wakes up with a jolt, shocking James as the man shoots up from where he was laying down, suddenly awake with eyes wide as he stares at Bucky, eyes a mix of too many things to discern one from the other.

"Hey Tones," Bucky starts, the hand that had been stroking hair now resting on his lap, the other hand still curled up in Tony's. "Nat tells me you spent the night?" he asks, slightly concerned at the lack of acknowledgment from Tony.

"Huh?" Tony asks, seeming to snap out of it before looking around for a second. "Oh, yeah, course I stayed," he explains, looking down at the entwined hands for a second, with a glimmer of confusion. "Did you mind?" he quickly follows up with, looking back up at Bucky's eyes. "Because I can totally leave, in fact, I probably should, I should, I should get a doctor, or, a nurse, or," he starts, pulling his hand away from where it had been sitting and getting up from the chair where he had been settled before getting promptly pulled back down again.

"Tony, I'm fine, really, promise," Bucky assures, taking back his boyfriend's hand into his own as he watched Tony start to settle back into the seat. "Only been awake about half an hour and I'm all healed already," he explains, trying to brush away the undertones of panic threatening to overcome Tony.

"Wait, you've already been awake thirty minutes?" Tony exclaims, getting up again and succeeding this time as Bucky curses himself for mentioning that detail. "I should've, I should've woken up, what if something happened, I,"

"Tony, I'm fine, really," James insists, hand reaching out for him.

"Right, right, sorry," Tony rambles, once again sitting back down before suddenly getting back up. "I'm just going to go see if we can get you discharged, okay? Okay," he confirms, walking briskly to and out of the door with only one quick look back, leaving James staring at the door in confusion only a couple minutes after Tony woke up.

\---

About ten minutes later of Bucky getting up, moving to the chair, and trying to figure out of something happened in the twelve hours or so he was out of commission to Tony or to the team, or if he had done anything to make Tony act like this before the mission or in the five minutes when they were in the hospital room, Clint walks in, a smile on his face when he sees Bucky and a packet of papers in his hand.

"Hey bud, glad to see you're not dead," he starts, walking into the room.

"Thanks," James deadpans, still in thought as Clint shoves some papers into his face for him to sign so that the hospital will let him leave.

"Hey, Clint?" He asks, eyes skimming the papers for another line that needs his signature as he clicks open the pen he was given. "Did something happen to Tony while I was out?"

"Tony?" Clint asks, eyes looking up and mouth tilting in thought. "Not that I know of, maybe he's been a bit jumpy? All he's been doing is sitting next to you for the past day," Clint recalls, a frown tugging at his smile. "Why? He say something?"

"No, he was just unusually panicked and hurried," James explains, handing the packet of papers and pen back, standing up from his spot in the chair and gently stretching his stiff limbs.

"Could just be Tony?" Clint offers, leading Bucky out of the hospital room and down the hallway to the discharge desk. "Maybe he's just anxious to get you back to the tower," Clint continues, handing the papers to the nurse. "You know how he gets when one of us gets hurt," he says lightheartedly.

"Yeah, I suppose," Bucky says, speeding up when he spots Tony next to the car, phone in hand as he types hurridly, only looking up when Bucky and Clint get next to him.

"Oh good, Clint got you out," he says relieved, slipping his phone into his pocket as he opens the car door to let the two of them in.

Slipping into the car, Bucky watches as Clint smirks at the both of them before waving his hand. "I'm gonna get my own ride, Tones," he says, with a wink towards Bucky and Tony each. However, James didn't focus so much on the wink, so much as the way that Tony tensed up, arms coming up to go across his chest, a nervous reaction Bucky had picked up in the past month.

Clint seemed to be completely oblivious though, walking away with a wave from him and a return wave from Tony as he turns around to face Bucky once again, brown eyes flitting around everywhere except for Bucky's eyes, who were desperate for contact.

"Come on Tones, let's go home," Bucky says gently, reaching out for Tony's arm and only stopping short at the sudden shudder that came in response to the movement. Dropping is hand, Bucky instead simply opened the door, gesturing inside. However, seeing Tony's slight hesitation to get in, Bucky gets in himself, sliding across the seats until he's pressed up against the window in an effort to give Tony as much space as possible. It's a welcome gesture if the small smile that Tony offers is anything to go by.

\---

The car ride is a silent one, Jarvis taking the wheel for the both of them as they slump against the back seats, too tired for it to only be the early afternoon. Though silent, the sound within the car is nearly unbearable for Tony, the silence all too loud for how on edge he currently is. Bucky seems to be affected too, at least, Tony thinks, by the way, his eyes keep flitting to Tony and back when he thinks Tony isn't looking.

Finally, Jarvis pulls into Tony's workshop garage, unlocking the car doors and letting the men out. Tony starts immediately, mouth moving before his foot even touches the concrete ground, mind whirling in circles even as the car only just drives away to park itself as he steps more into his workshop.

"Thanks, Bucky, babe, thanks, for, for the help and the hospital and all that and yeah, thanks, but I think I'm gonna stay down here for a, a while, you know, Pepper and Fury probably have put a whole ton on my plate and I need to keep them happy you know?" he starts, pausing for a small, half-hearted laugh, mentally chastising himself for his chopping and stuttery speech even as he continues, hands gesturing as he talks and eyes focused next to Bucky's shoulder, not meeting his worried or worn eyes and instead barrelling on.

"So like you can, can go get some rest or sleep or, or, go work out or whatever you do to calm down, or actually, don't, I mean you're healed already because of the serum but you should still rest, or not, it's fine, you can do whatever you want, obviously, just, yeah," he finishes, standing there, eyes now looking downwards as he waits for a response.

Sighing silently Bucky nods. "Tony? Do you want me to go?" he asks, not entirely eager to leave his lover by himself in this state, but if there's anything he's learned in the past month it's that Tony's workshop binges aren't exactly always detrimental. Of course, not eating, drinking, or sleeping is always bad, but letting the engineer burn off steam by just locking himself in the workshop? It can be strangely cathartic for him, and Bucky himself knows that sometimes you just need to be away, both mentally and physically.

Shoulders slumping, Tony nods, "Please," he responds, and Bucky isn't one-hundred percent sure he's saying please for letting him be alone, or for something else Bucky hasn't figured out yet.

"'Course," is the reply, and Bucky slowly takes a wide path around Tony on the way to the door. "But if you're still locked in here in eight hours, I'm coming to get you, okay?" he confirms.

Tony nods again, walking slowly over to his work table.

"Okay, Tones. Be safe," Bucky finishes as he finally leaves, the glass wall near the door fogging over once more as soon as the door swings close.

Letting out a long breath, Tony slumps against the worktable, knees nearly giving out as he runs a hand over his face and props himself up on the nearby stool.

"Sir?" comes Jarvis's concerned voice, and Tony really regrets programming him so well sometimes, because he really shouldn't be getting concern from his AI.

"Yeah, J?"

"Are you well?"

And there's the million-dollar question right there, because, no, Tony really isn't okay. Not really. Sure, he's not physically hurt but that's about where he stops being not hurt.

"Course, why wouldn't I be?" Tony responds, now fully sitting on the spinning stool and flipping through blueprints scattered across the metal desk and across the holo screen in front of him.

"Your heart rate is highly evident and according to all of my data you seem to be on the verge of a breakdown, Sir,"

"Why would I be on the verge of a breakdown," Tony asks, voice bitter and remorseful and so many other emotions all mixed into one cadence. "It's not like I nearly killed my boyfriend, or that he doesn't know yet, or that maybe he does know and him not telling me is just a prolonged punishment, need I go on?" he rants, breathes coming out probably too fast to be good.

"Sir, your heart rate-"

"I know, I know," Tony says, waving a hand as he works to get his breathing back in check, taking almost twenty minutes to completely get there.

"Sir," comes the hesitant voice, once Tony's breathing has evened out.

"Yes, Jarvis,"

"Sir, can I suggest you talk to-"

"No,"

"Sir, I really think,"

"I'm fine, Jarvis, I'll do it later,"

"Sir, please, I-"

"Mute, Jarvis,"

\---

"Jarvis, how's he doing?" Bucky asks, four hours since he left the workshop and although he agreed to let Tony have his time, he can't help but check up on him every now and then. He's currently in the gym, working out. True, the doctors did tell him to take it easy but then again, Tony was right, his injuries had healed and he really needed to blow off steam.

"Sir seems to be doing okay," is always the reply.

Sighing, Bucky gives the punching bag another hit. It took him a while to get used to the AI, and the AI to him but by now Bucky might even call them friends. It took them a while, especially for Jarvis to call him by his first name, but Bucky is immensely grateful for the AI, on both his and Tony's behalf. Tony not so much, seeing as they have a tendency to gang up on him, but Bucky just reminds him with a smile that it's because they care and, really, you need to eat more than once in twenty-four hours and if it takes both of us to get you to do so, then so be it.

"Has he eaten anything?"

"Sir hasn't eaten anything since he returned to the Tower," and Bucky is always surprised and amazed at how much emotion Tony managed to pass along to his creation.

"Could you remind him to?"

"I'm afraid Sir had muted me in his workshop," and that really isn't a good sign, Bucky thinks. Typically, Tony only mutes Jarvis if he starts talking about things he doesn't want to talk about, mostly himself and how he's doing.

"I see,"

"Indeed," comes the dry voice from the ceiling.

Thinking, Bucky moves over to sit on the bench, head leaning against the cool metal wall as he closes his eyes.

"Jarvis?"

"Yes, James?"

"Did something happen when I was out?" he asks, trying to wrap his mind around what happened and why Tony was reacting so harshly.

"Nothing happened while you were out," Jarvis says, however the heavy intonation on the word while has Bucky opening his eyes.

"While? What do you mean 'while'? Did something happened before that?" Bucky questions, now sitting up, eyes towards one of the speakers he knows are in the room.

"I'm afraid I'm not allowed to disclose that information, Sergeant Barnes,"

"Right," Bucky says, slumping slightly, "Can you give me anything else?"

"Not directly," Jarvis says, ever the cryptid. "As I said, nothing happened after your previous mission," he reiterates.

Sitting straight up once more, Bucky squints in thought. "Our mission? Is that what this is about?" he inquires.

"I'm afraid I'm not allowed to disclose that information, Sergeant Barnes," 

"Right, right,"

"However, on an unrelated note, seeing as you have been out of commission, I have video recordings of your previous mission, should you like to review them before writing your mission report," The AI suggests, and Bucky is certain he can hear the satisfaction in his voice.

Smiling, Bucky nods, "That would be great Jarvis, thanks,"

"Then, if you would please make your way to your room?" Jarvis asks.

Eyes now open with trepidation, Bucky gets up anyways and heads to the elevator, body tired but mind awake now. The team is fairly close by now, having been together for years and having grown both as a team and as individuals. Both tower, team, and members run together smoothly and every one of them relies on each other in their own way. So, when Jarvis asks for privacy, Bucky knows something is even more wrong than he thought.

Setting foot into his room and opening his laptop, Jarvis immediately starts the audio, dated back to seconds after Bucky got hit that mission.

The first thing Bucky sees is from a nearby street camera, the grainy video capturing both Iron Man and the Winter Soldier, Tony blasting his way through the enemy next to James and then, suddenly, the Winter Soldier getting blasted into the wall by a blast of light. For a few seconds, the scene is silent, except for the sounds of the battle, until the footage switches over to the suit's viewpoint, with the audio to match.

"-ucky, Bucky! James! Oh fuck, oh no, James," comes Tony's frantic voice, painfully painted with terror and panic as the video from inside the suit shows the frantic flying to Bucky's limp body, shown in so much more clarity than the old and sketchy footage from the surveillance camera. "James, how, when, I should've,- no, no got to, stop, later, got to get, to medical, medical is, yeah,"

The video cuts out from Tony's frantic and stuttered ramblings to leave only a black screen and horrified soldier.

"Jarvis?" James asks slowly. "It wasn't his fault,"

"Correct," comes the reply, factual and short.

"But he thinks it is, doesn't he,"

"It would seem so, yes. Sir hasn't explicitly said so however all signs point towards this conclusion,"

"Right," Bucky mutters, getting off of the bed he was perched on to pace in a tight circle, nervously tapping his arm.

"Well," he continues after a minute. "I'm going to fix this,"

\---

Tony is still locked down in his workshop, music blasting as usual through the speakers and windows tinted, when Bucky knocks gently on the door, before waiting a few seconds and knocking harder.

Finally, Tony opens the door, wiping his stained hands on the back of his jeans and his black-rimmed eyes warily looking up to James' before falling down.

"It hasn't been eight hours," he says, voice slightly scratchy with something Bucky can't place.

"And you haven't been safe," Bucky counters, pushing slightly to get past Tony and into the workshop, sitting himself down on the couch. "Jarvis says you haven't eaten anything?" he asks, gesturing for Tony to come and join him on the sofa. "And judging by the way you look like you're about to fall over, I'm assuming you haven't eaten anything either?"

"Are you talking to Jarvis?" Tony asks, looking over at Bucky from his seat next to him.

"You muted him," Bucky half accuses, taking the second to unmute the AI which remained silent.

"Yeah, well, some of us have work to do," Tony says, foreseeing where this conversation is going and deciding he might as well be on the offensive sooner rather than later. If Bucky has been talking to Jarvis, he probably asked what happened, and Jarvis probably told him. Told him how Tony screwed up, how he nearly killed his own lover, and, of course, Jarvis wouldn't have said it like that, but the footage is there and it's pretty clear to see if you're looking.

"Tony," James starts, frowning slightly before being cut off.

"Did he show you?" Tony asks suddenly because honestly, he has never really been sensible so why start now. It's like tearing a bandaid off, right, if, or when, James breaks up with him maybe he can just do it quickly. However, with James, it seems more accurate to compare it to tearing a knife out. You can't leave the knife in but tearing it out just opens up the wound to bleed more quickly than leaving it in.

"Yeah," James responds because there is really no question between the two of them what Tony is asking about.

"I'm sorry," Tony says, head hung slightly low because even though he can talk himself into doing it, it doesn't mean it isn't going to be painful. A knife is still a knife no matter how quickly it is pulled out, after all. "It's my fault, I know that and I am so sorry James, I'm, I'm just so sorry, I'll understand if you want to stop this, or anything, just, I'm sorry" he finishes, not truly knowing how to go about showing just how truly remorseful he is. The words "I'm sorry" seem right but even those seem to be bland and empty after having thought about saying them since it happened. 

"No you're not," James says, voice clear and solid, but with no anger or sadness around the edges of his words.

"Wh, what, no, I am," Tony starts, because what does James want from him, he's saying sorry, he's trying, he almost killed James but what the hell else is he supposed to say.

"You're not sorry," James clarifies, "because you don't have anything to be sorry for," he continues, moving slightly closer to the distressed man next to him. "It wasn't your fault," James says, not pausing to let Tony jump in again. "It wasn't your fault or anyone else's for that matter, it was an accident, Tony,"

"I should've prevented it though, I should've been there," Tony rebuts.

"No one could've prevented it Tony, not you, not me, not anyone on the team. And besides, you were there. I saw the footage, Tony," James reminds him. "You were by me immediately after it happened and if it wasn't for your thinking or medical help I might not have even made it in time,"

"But still," Tony says softly.

"No," Bucky replies, sitting up next to the other man and wrapping him in a hug. "It wasn't your fault, so please stop thinking it was or that I'm going to leave you for something like this, I'm not going anywhere," James says, ignoring the stab through his heart when he sees the clear relief on Tony's face when he hears that he won't leave.

"Okay,"

\---

"You okay?" James asks a few hours later, the two men having just sat and enjoyed each other's company for a bit. 

"Yeah, just still a little shaken," Tony responds, looking down. "You kinda scared me, just a bit," he teases, though Bucky can still understand the fear behind the words.

Kissing the top of his head, Bucky sighs a sorry into his hair, though it is stopped. 

"Nope, if I don't get to apologize, then you don't either," Tony says, smiling.

"Not sure that's how that works, babe,"

"Well, now you do,"

Laughing, Bucky rests his head back on Tony's head.

"I'm glad you're okay," Tony says softly, the words sending vibrations up Bucky's jaw.

"Me too. You can't get rid of me even if you try," James jokes.

Laughing along, Tony smiles.

"Then I won't bother trying,"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed this, I tried to balance the hurt with the comfort this time so it's a bit less sad and a bit more sad but also kinda cute. I'm also trying to do NaNoWriMo this year so expect maybe some more fics soon! I hope you all are doing well and hopefully, you'll see another story from me soon.


End file.
